This is mostly for friends but I figured that I'd post it here too. So I know you might not get everything.
Sometimes there are just some things that are best left unsaid. Other times, you have to speak out and be heard. I think that there are some people who fight for a right that should be theirs. I pity those who don't fight for anything. All we want in this life is to be happy. And what makes me happy is to see the people I care about happy. The last few weeks of school I had to make a decision. It was an incredibly hard decision. It was a choice between two of my friends futures. One would be ruined, just to save the other from losing his. It was the lesser of two evils. And it's a decision that eats at me almost everyday. I wish that I had never gotten anyone into the predicament that I had that night. It was hard to pick between the future of two people. But it's the hard choices that build our character and make us who we are. Don't get me wrong. I'm not asking anyone to forgive me, I just want them to understand.
Everyday is a struggle for me. Mostly because the person that I cared about more than anything has passed away recently. And incase that anyone somehow doesn't know, it was my great grandmother Ana "Pat" Elmore. She turned 100 in april and passed about 2 weeks later. She got to see her family one last time on her birthday when all of them came down from different parts of the east coast. She was the most amazing woman that I've ever met. She was alive and lost some friends on the titanic. To the time of her death she would not watch the titanic movie. She was alive during the great depression and was lucky enough to keep all of her money and wasn't affected by it. She was a faithful Christian woman who always lived by the stories of the bible. Love your neighbor, be a good person. She always had advice for me. It's so much harder without her here. But I base my life on what I think she would do, and that makes me a better person. I think that it's not length of life, but depth of life. Don't you?
Over the past few months I have changed tremendously. I think differently, and I feel different. I always try to help anyone I can. But I don't know anything I can really do to help. Any day that I help someone that is a day that was worth something to me. It's what I live for. Whether it's just helping someone with a small task or talking to a kid on a bridge contemplating freedom. It's hard to see people take and take, but never give. I've done my fair share of taking, but I always try to give anything that I can. Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.
It's also interesting to see how I perceive the world now. I notice things around that I haven't noticed before. Everything is so clear to me now. I've gotten myself into a bit of trouble, but soon that will all be in the past. And I am so glad. Something just clicked with me. I feel... happy. For the first time in a long time, I just feel happy. I used to have to smoke pot or drink alcohol to feel better. But things are different now. I have the most amazing friends, old and new. I met a girl at school about the last month who showed me what seemed to me like a whole different world. I got to meet some of her friends from Jamestown and they are people that I think I would belong with. I feel like I have a place in the world now. We always have a blast and she's just plain awesome and a great friend. You know who you are, thank you for everything. ♥ But the moral of the story is, stay close to your friends and family, because they have helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway.
Besides her, there are only two people that I really really miss from school. Mostly because I have seen most of my other friends. But they are both two very wonderful women that I had the pleasure of dating. The only two. You also know who you are, and I miss you both very much. I can't wait to see my angel next semester and I hope that my Ruca will at least come and visit me
Summer is about halfway over, and overall it has been a pretty lazy summer. Work and school. Yes... school. I am taking one class at my local college just to keep up with a class that I had dropped. It's an okay class. And the teacher is very funny. I've done a little partying recently though. I don't think I'll be doing much until I go back to school though. And even then I don't think I'll party as hard as I did. Then again, you never know till you get there.
So there you have it. That is all till further notice. To anyone that took the time to read this. Thanks.
A Rob Gould"ness" Update
Jul 17 2007, 01:43 AM
